“We Missed You So Much!” Considerations for Welcoming Your Student Back
Whether a student is finishing their first semester of college or making their final lap around the academic track before graduation, getting to spend time with them is something many families and supporters eagerly look forward to.
You will want to know all about their classes, grades, friends, and what they do in their spare time – especially if they haven’t been the most informative while they have been away. You may have an idea, maybe even a few reasonably educated guesses based on what they have shared, but your student is a different person than they were before college, even if it’s only been a semester.
College is a chance to grow, explore, and learn about new perspectives. That process will cause students to reflect on their values, priorities, and identity. While this doesn’t always mean a drastic change, your student is a little older and, hopefully, a little wiser about themselves.
Returning to the community one grew up with can be difficult for students – for many there is a balance they must strike between who they were and who they are. Difficult doesn’t mean bad, but you can expect some interactions and conversations to be different. This can be a disorienting or frustrating part of the college experience, and the response of their support network will have a huge impact on how they feel returning to school and about their next visit back.
The first thing to remember is they are adults now. If you are fortunate enough to have a student who is completely open and honest with you about their life at school, listening to learn without judgment will be extremely important. You can’t make decisions for them, and if they feel you don’t approve it’s not likely to change their mind. Your response may influence how much they share moving forward, though.
Second, remember grades do not reflect a student’s value. One of the most stressful parts of seeing supporters is being asked about grades. If someone is helping finance their education, or higher education is an expectation or value in the community, the pressure is on for your student. If they are the first in your family to go to college – how they do and how you respond can have a major impact on their success and desire to move forward. If your student is doing well academically, they should absolutely be proud. However, if the student did not do well academically, please take a moment to reflect before you respond to the news. College is an adjustment. No matter how smart you are, no matter how prepared you are, and no matter how much support you have, going to a new place, taking on new responsibilities, and navigating new relationships is a lot to take on. How you can best support them is to ask “Why?” and listen. Focus on helping them find solutions – or encourage them to connect with campus resources. If neither of you know of resources, encourage them to reach out to their academic advisors. The University of Arizona has several policies in place to help students bounce back and entire departments dedicated to supporting students with various challenges.
Third – college is not always butterflies and rainbows. Often semester breaks involve family and friends asking how the term went. The first thing that comes to mind is usually academics, but there is more to college life than classes. Making friends, budgeting, taking care of yourself, and other new adventures arise during a student’s college career. If your student struggled, that is valid. Try not to blame them or say they need to “get over it”. Again, listen and help them plan for how to make the next semester better. Academic Advisors are always here to help connect students with resources for non-academic needs too.
Bottom line? As excited as you are to see your student – and as excited as they may be to see you – the person you are welcoming back likely will not be exactly the same as they were before. This is your chance to get to know and love them as they grow, and the most important thing is to listen to and support them on that journey.