Navigating Challenges through the Power of Flexibility
[Note: This is an abridged version of an article from the 2021 SALT Center Journal which includes the referenced citations. Established in 1980, the SALT Center is a national leader in providing comprehensive academic support to undergraduates with learning and attention differences.]
As students return to campus, college mental health and wellness professionals are charged with helping them navigate yet another transition where the only certain thing is that uncertainties lie ahead. Our brains, hardwired to help us recognize threats in our environment, are trying to help us prepare for these unknowns by thinking through an exhaustive list of “what ifs.”
When we can’t know what will happen, our brains can get stuck here, becoming more controlling, rigid, or inflexible. We often get mired in worrying about all the possible worst-case scenarios, frequently seek reassurance, or trying to eliminate uncertainty. One of the most powerful tools we have in facing future challenges is increasing our psychological flexibility. This refers to how a person adapts to situational demands, accesses needed mental resources, shifts perspective, and balances competing desires, needs, and circumstances.1
Increasing Psychological Flexibility:
- Lean into the “what ifs.”
When we are stuck in the “what ifs,” it doesn’t usually help to seek reassurance from others who tell us, “Don’t worry, that won’t happen.” Instead, try to think about the likelihood of that scenario happening. If that scenario were to happen, what you would do, and who would be your supports?
There are some scenarios that we will never be able to predict. In those cases, it’s helpful to focus on your ability to handle whatever may happen. Maybe that scenario will happen; maybe it won’t. But whatever happens, you will deal with it because you HAVE been dealing with difficult things and you won’t be alone in dealing with it.
- Focus on what you can realistically control.
When we excessively worry and ruminate, it’s often in situations that are uncertain. Scheduling worry time can be a more effective and useful way to worry by allowing our brains specific times to focus on them.4 This technique can give us more control and allow us to put things in perspective.
When situations are highly unpredictable, it can also be helpful to reflect on what we can actually control. We can reasonably control ourselves and our responses. We can control how we want to be present in our relationships with loved ones. We can also control some of the behaviors that are associated with better mood and stress management, like exercise and self-care.
- Separate from your thoughts.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teaches us that we are not our thoughts, and when we can separate ourselves from our thoughts, they often loosen their hold on us.
For example, when feeling overwhelmed by the thought that, “School is never going to get better, and I can’t do this,” we can rephrase it as, “I’m having the thought that this is never going to get better, and I am thinking I can’t do this.” This helps a person flexibly relate to their thoughts rather than being dominated by them. When we believe our thoughts to be the only reality, we can lose our focus and get pulled into less flexible ways of responding.3
- Practice allowing some uncertainty in your life with new experiences.
When we struggle with uncertainty, it can help to introduce more uncertainty into our lives. This way we can practice dealing with the worry it can produce.
For things you do frequently or well, try changing something about how you approach them. After each of these new or unexpected experiences, ask yourself: What did you do to get through it? Did it turn out alright, even if you were uncertain? If it wasn’t alright, how did you solve the issue? What does this say about your ability to cope with difficult things?6
Returning to campus is both full of excitement and uncertainty — two ideas that might seem opposed to one another at first glance. However, when we cultivate psychological flexibility by using our current strengths and acknowledging when we need more support, this time of uncertainty can also be a time of enjoyment, full of formative, challenging, but ultimately meaningful experiences.